Accepting Negative Emotions

Very often, life is not perfect. As a positive and idealistic person, I find myself confused and lost when a negative emotion enters my space. But it is the very labeling of that emotion as "negative" that makes it so hard to deal with. I have found, in my endless studies of myself, that each emotion has its own merits, and its own reasons for existing.

Sadness
Sadness is the easiest emotion for me to accept, so let's start there. Sadness can come about from losing something, not living up to our expectations of ourselves, loneliness, or feeling hurt by others. I find myself able to accept sadness easily, and perhaps too easily at times. I have to remind myself that though accepting the emotion is healthy, feeding it and dwelling in it is certainly not. Sadness is a cry from within that we need to shower ourselves with love. I do things that make me feel happy, safe, and connected to myself again. Sometimes it's necessary to watch a sad movie and make myself cry more. Other times it's helpful to connect with my inner-child and watch my favorite cartoon in pajamas. Take care of yourself like you would your best friend, your lover, your child.  

Anxiety
Usually anxiety is a sign that I haven't been taking care of myself as well as I should. The first mental checklist I go through if I'm feeling frantic in the brain is: 
-did I drink water today?
-did I eat well today?
-have I taken a moment to breathe?
-how has my self-talk been today?
-have I taken a shower?
If one or more of these things is off, I do that thing as soon as I am able, and then reassess the situation. Generally, after I have taken care of my physical wellbeing, the scary-anxious thoughts subside. If they don't, or if I don't have time to take care of myself, I just take some time to remind myself that I create my experience of my world through my perceptions. Sometimes it's helpful to list off five things I know I'm good at, other times it's helpful to listen to music that I love, or maybe reach out to a friend or family member I love dearly. 

Guilt
In my experience, the guilt that I feel is often not warranted. I punish myself mentally for things that I had no awareness of, or for doing what is best for me. This is completely unnecessary and can be very detrimental to my mental state. Guilt is a sign that we have been living by someone else's rules of life, not our own. If we are living in our truth and doing what is best for us in all ways always, there is no need to ever feel guilt. Think of someone you love, and how happy you wish them to be. Imagine that this person feels guilty for the same thing you think you have done wrong. What advice would you give them? Most likely, you see the slightness of their error, and tell them to forgive themselves and move on in a positive way. If you truly think you have done something terrible, perhaps it warrants an apology. In that case, let yourself be forgiven by the other person, but know that regardless of what this person might think of you, you deserve to be happy. You deserve good things. If others are offended or confused by what you have done in life, you must accept that. Be free from your mental chains. Let yourself live your best life. 

Anger
I've always felt that anger is an emotion solely used to hurt others, so I have tried to control it and keep it out of my interactions with others so as to keep the damage to a minimum. I've been working on realizing that when I feel anger, it is an opportunity for me to reinstate a boundary that perhaps I didn't communicate clearly enough. I get angry for a reason and I need to honor that reason. There is a transformative power to anger. Without hurting another, I can bring the problem to their attention, and hopefully resolve my anger in the process. When I've felt understood, my anger dissipates. 

Numbness
This is an emotion often not recognized or talked about. Any time I am feeling disconnected from myself and others, I tend to keep myself in that place, believing that I am alone in my struggles in this world and that others need not help me. Let me remind you, in case no one has told you today: 
You are loved. 
You are worthy of love. 
You have a beautiful soul. 
Your existence matters to those who love you. 
You deserve the love you give so freely to others. 
I know that it's easier to stay inside, to keep scrolling through pages of instagram and facebook, and sometimes social anxiety takes over and makes me believe that I truly am better off alone... but we must recognize these negative cycles within ourselves and correct them. It helps me to have something planned, even a small errand, when I feel empty. My favorite thing in the world, for no reason at all, is lattes. If I make myself put clothes on, put in my headphones, and go sit at my favorite cafe, just being surrounded by life and other people can make me feel more connected. Again, reaching out to another human you admire might be helpful. If you are so introverted that you truly believe being around others won't help, try writing a letter to yourself. Try washing your face with some zesty face wash. Go for a walk outside. Braid your hair. Look at your face in the mirror. Pet a dog. Do something away from a screen for a while. Numbness stems from too much thinking, staying too much in your brain. Keep yourself grounded in the now. Allow yourself, slowly, through mindful activity, to come back to yourself. 


Everyone is different in how they process emotions. The key is balance: don't ignore what you feel, but neither should you hold on to it for longer than it is needed. Learn from the emotion, thank the emotion for the growth, and move on. 

You are stronger than you think. 

Much love, 
Brooke



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